It's funny when someone says "I've never told this to anyone before," like it means something.
It doesn't, really. I mean, do you often have the same conversations over and over and over? I should think not. Usually, when you are talking to someone, you are saying whatever you are saying for the first time, even if you have discussed the topic previously, or if you have thought about it before. You are changing and evolving all the time, of course, and everything you say, you are usually saying it for the first time. Most things you tell people you have never told anyone before. That is what conversation is--saying new things based on other people's reactions and statements and the current situation. Most conversations that you will have, you have never had them before.
So it's not significant. Not at all. It doesn't mean anything when you are with someone, say on a date or having one of those 'special conversations', and you suddenly realize, or more likely, they suddenly say that they've "never told this to anyone before." of course you haven't, are you boring? are you one of those lame people who say the exact pre-fab statements and conversations to everyone? No. Probably not. It's not a significant conversation for it's uniqueness at all. Most of your conversations are unique.
So yes, "i've never said this to anyone before" is always, always a just a line, whether it's meant that way exactly or not--because you really could say that to any person, anytime, and it's meaningless in and of its self.
But it may be significant because the fact that you are registering that you've 'never said this to anyone,' or they haven't, this clearly shows that there is some kind of heightened conversational awareness going on. If the vast majority of the things you say, you have never said them before to anyone, and that hardly registers at all on your mental radar, when it does register that you are saying something new, something that you've never said before....well, the registering of this notion says more than the actual event.
Discuss.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Behold
Yesterday, I got two missionary letters.
One was from the wonderful Sister Tori Ellefant Gardner, and the other was from dear Elder Matthew Wise.
The cool thing was that both of them separately referred to my letters as "a breath of fresh air." Yessir, both of them wrote that.
Know what that means? Out of the mouth of two witnesses and all that crap? It's true now, baby! It's part of the gospel!
Gini Lee--Breath of Fresh Air. I'm making business cards or something.
One was from the wonderful Sister Tori Ellefant Gardner, and the other was from dear Elder Matthew Wise.
The cool thing was that both of them separately referred to my letters as "a breath of fresh air." Yessir, both of them wrote that.
Know what that means? Out of the mouth of two witnesses and all that crap? It's true now, baby! It's part of the gospel!
Gini Lee--Breath of Fresh Air. I'm making business cards or something.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
the entry my mother is not supposed to read
before i left, did i tell you that i was going to be living in Manhattan?
i lied.
well, i didn't 'lie,' exactly. i just glossed over the truth.
i live in manhattan, sure. but it's not the manhattan you think of--times square and 5th ave and whatever--i live a couple blocks north of central park. That's right. I live in Harlem.
It wasn't a lie, really, because i didn't even know this before i moved here. i was just happy to be living in close proximity to everything, and didn't having never really even come here before, i couldn't tell you what exactly was the difference or distinction between living 'downtown' and 'uptown.' so, the fact that i live in a neighborhood that's notorious for it's ghetto-ness was just as much a surprise to me as it may be to you. or to my mother.
not to worry, though. i feel perfectly fine in harlem. given that my roommate has been out and out broke for the last four days, causing us to walk most everywhere we've gone together since she can't afford the subway, i've done a lot of walking in the area, not to mention my own forays to try and find things, like the gym (which was an eventual success) and to try and find this city arts volunteer outreach thing (which was a failure, though i decided that it's the fact that i attempted to volunteer that counts, and i still get the good karma for trying), which led to me walking around in slowly widening circles for 45 minutes or so. and it is pretty much harmless. or, harmless relative to other places i've live.
what's that? how can harlem be considered harmless relative to provo or stc? that's not what i'm talking about, my dear, you are forgetting the middle east. call me chicken or call me a helpless girl or whatever, but i didn't go walking around the cairo or amman or anywhere by myself--ever. nikki and i were attached at the hip all summer, and in jerusalem, the 3-in-a-group rule was punishable by death. and that's good, because the three, maybe four times i was all by myself, i could tell that it was a bad idea. i just...didn't feel right, at all. the way people watch you, the way the boys watch you. but you know what, i haven't gotten that vibe at all in harlem. i'm sure there are areas like that here, but i haven't hit them yet.
which leads us to the interesting topic of Amman vs. Harlem.
ways that Amman and Harlem are the same:
-there are about 5 million little crap supermarket-type stores that all sell the exact same thing, and mysteriously all are in business, though no one can really figure out how
-the check out girl still does not speak the same language that i do
-if you are trying to get somewhere in a hurry, you can guarantee that the subway/bus/micro/taxi/public transit will be late, broken, or impossible to find
ways that Amman and Harlem are different:
-my minority status. okay, so you may have think that this is actually a similarity, but you are wrong. in both cities, as a white girl i'm the minority, but the way that people treat you is completely different. in amman, you are oogled not just for being a girl but for being a white girl. you are by nature a curiosity. i'll just assume that that's because of the ethnicity difference coupled with foreigner status, and not just blame it on some form of racist thinking (the jury is still out on this). here in harlem, i am once again the minority, but instead of people poking each other and saying "oh, look at the white girl," people see you and it's like, "a white girl, so what?" even though i am definitely, definitely an obvious minority here. i like it. because it really is "so what?"
so, harlem sounds great, right? mom shouldn't even worry about me living here!
in fact, on top of harlem being totally fine, this place is chock full of mormons. young, single, poor mormons. my block especially--there's at about 8 or 9 apartments of mormons/with mormon residents in my building, plus a couple of apartments across the street. there was even an article about my building in byu magazine last fall (i totally didn't know this before i moved here, it's just luck or whatever. link: http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=2281 ).
except for, the other day when i was walking home from church with a group of the kids that live in my building, one of the guys re-enacted the at-gun-point robbing that happened to him last year about a block from where we live. and if you read the whole byu magazine article, it details other crimes muggings/robbings that have happened in the past to my new neighbors. and of course, there's just the fact that whatever i say to ease her peace-of-mind, the fact of the matter is, i'm living in harlem. whenever someone asks what my parents think about me living here, though, i realize that they just think i'm living "in manhattan," whatever that means. my mom probably conjures images of the same block that my railroad consultant grandfather lived on thirty-whatever years ago. no doubt he and o'ma and their country-club lifestyle were somewhere a little bit classier than harlem.
anyway, no worries! i know when an SUV pulls up to the side of the road and the people are like "hey sweetie come here" that is definitely what i should not do (this actually happened the other day)! so no worries, mom, i got this ghetto thing down.
i lied.
well, i didn't 'lie,' exactly. i just glossed over the truth.
i live in manhattan, sure. but it's not the manhattan you think of--times square and 5th ave and whatever--i live a couple blocks north of central park. That's right. I live in Harlem.
It wasn't a lie, really, because i didn't even know this before i moved here. i was just happy to be living in close proximity to everything, and didn't having never really even come here before, i couldn't tell you what exactly was the difference or distinction between living 'downtown' and 'uptown.' so, the fact that i live in a neighborhood that's notorious for it's ghetto-ness was just as much a surprise to me as it may be to you. or to my mother.
not to worry, though. i feel perfectly fine in harlem. given that my roommate has been out and out broke for the last four days, causing us to walk most everywhere we've gone together since she can't afford the subway, i've done a lot of walking in the area, not to mention my own forays to try and find things, like the gym (which was an eventual success) and to try and find this city arts volunteer outreach thing (which was a failure, though i decided that it's the fact that i attempted to volunteer that counts, and i still get the good karma for trying), which led to me walking around in slowly widening circles for 45 minutes or so. and it is pretty much harmless. or, harmless relative to other places i've live.
what's that? how can harlem be considered harmless relative to provo or stc? that's not what i'm talking about, my dear, you are forgetting the middle east. call me chicken or call me a helpless girl or whatever, but i didn't go walking around the cairo or amman or anywhere by myself--ever. nikki and i were attached at the hip all summer, and in jerusalem, the 3-in-a-group rule was punishable by death. and that's good, because the three, maybe four times i was all by myself, i could tell that it was a bad idea. i just...didn't feel right, at all. the way people watch you, the way the boys watch you. but you know what, i haven't gotten that vibe at all in harlem. i'm sure there are areas like that here, but i haven't hit them yet.
which leads us to the interesting topic of Amman vs. Harlem.
ways that Amman and Harlem are the same:
-there are about 5 million little crap supermarket-type stores that all sell the exact same thing, and mysteriously all are in business, though no one can really figure out how
-the check out girl still does not speak the same language that i do
-if you are trying to get somewhere in a hurry, you can guarantee that the subway/bus/micro/taxi/public transit will be late, broken, or impossible to find
ways that Amman and Harlem are different:
-my minority status. okay, so you may have think that this is actually a similarity, but you are wrong. in both cities, as a white girl i'm the minority, but the way that people treat you is completely different. in amman, you are oogled not just for being a girl but for being a white girl. you are by nature a curiosity. i'll just assume that that's because of the ethnicity difference coupled with foreigner status, and not just blame it on some form of racist thinking (the jury is still out on this). here in harlem, i am once again the minority, but instead of people poking each other and saying "oh, look at the white girl," people see you and it's like, "a white girl, so what?" even though i am definitely, definitely an obvious minority here. i like it. because it really is "so what?"
so, harlem sounds great, right? mom shouldn't even worry about me living here!
in fact, on top of harlem being totally fine, this place is chock full of mormons. young, single, poor mormons. my block especially--there's at about 8 or 9 apartments of mormons/with mormon residents in my building, plus a couple of apartments across the street. there was even an article about my building in byu magazine last fall (i totally didn't know this before i moved here, it's just luck or whatever. link: http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=2281 ).
except for, the other day when i was walking home from church with a group of the kids that live in my building, one of the guys re-enacted the at-gun-point robbing that happened to him last year about a block from where we live. and if you read the whole byu magazine article, it details other crimes muggings/robbings that have happened in the past to my new neighbors. and of course, there's just the fact that whatever i say to ease her peace-of-mind, the fact of the matter is, i'm living in harlem. whenever someone asks what my parents think about me living here, though, i realize that they just think i'm living "in manhattan," whatever that means. my mom probably conjures images of the same block that my railroad consultant grandfather lived on thirty-whatever years ago. no doubt he and o'ma and their country-club lifestyle were somewhere a little bit classier than harlem.
anyway, no worries! i know when an SUV pulls up to the side of the road and the people are like "hey sweetie come here" that is definitely what i should not do (this actually happened the other day)! so no worries, mom, i got this ghetto thing down.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The only meaning is the meaning you make
i love the apple store! Because you can be annoying a hog a computer forever and use free internet and no one yells at you! also, they play good music :).
So welcome to day three in New York City.
Let's talk a little bit about what the heck i'm doing here.
Coming to New York is meaningful, that much is obvious. i mean, how could it not be meaningful and have large significance in my life? I completely stumbled across this opportunity by chance, by a random accident. by the serendipity of link chasing one day when i was not doing my homework last semester so of course it was fate or the interferance of the gods or something.
So where is it, huh? what is the meaning of me being here? lucky for me and you and my belief in divine beings, i'm into spiritualism, post-modern theory, and discerning the little meanings that others might miss (aka making things up).
But this kind of "discernment" takes time--i can't have a reason for being after only three days! But stay tuned, it will come. The gods of fate have blessed me. This is evident even by the last 72 hours. Here are some examples:
-When i rode the subway downtown yesterday, i was thinking, "i wonder where H&M is", and then behold, as i ascended the stairs, there it was, like a vision in front of me. Just luck? i think not.
-Today, i ran out of time in the morning and didn't pack a sandwich. despite my restrained budget, i had to go buy something. it's freezing cold and i wore a skirt (it's the masochism) so my choice was based mainly on what A) didn't look so dirty i thought i was actually in cairo and B) closest. this left me with Cafe 28, a "gormet cafe" or some crap that translates to "we are going to charge you seven dollars for a sandwich." But nevertheless, i persevered, and found that a huge cup of soup was only 3.20 after tax. and you know what? when i was done eating that steamin' hot cup of soup, i actually though it was worth 3.20. how many times have you eaten a 7 dollar sandwich and were like, "gee, i'm glad i spent enough money to feed myself 3 weeks worth of spaghetti. that was worth it." never. so clearly, my good lunch fortune was another blessing.
Clearly, with this train of events, it is only a matter of days before i find out my True Purpose in Life.
And the first think i do when i know is make a sacrificial offering of thanks to the gods in the form of a new H&M wardrobe.
So welcome to day three in New York City.
Let's talk a little bit about what the heck i'm doing here.
Coming to New York is meaningful, that much is obvious. i mean, how could it not be meaningful and have large significance in my life? I completely stumbled across this opportunity by chance, by a random accident. by the serendipity of link chasing one day when i was not doing my homework last semester so of course it was fate or the interferance of the gods or something.
So where is it, huh? what is the meaning of me being here? lucky for me and you and my belief in divine beings, i'm into spiritualism, post-modern theory, and discerning the little meanings that others might miss (aka making things up).
But this kind of "discernment" takes time--i can't have a reason for being after only three days! But stay tuned, it will come. The gods of fate have blessed me. This is evident even by the last 72 hours. Here are some examples:
-When i rode the subway downtown yesterday, i was thinking, "i wonder where H&M is", and then behold, as i ascended the stairs, there it was, like a vision in front of me. Just luck? i think not.
-Today, i ran out of time in the morning and didn't pack a sandwich. despite my restrained budget, i had to go buy something. it's freezing cold and i wore a skirt (it's the masochism) so my choice was based mainly on what A) didn't look so dirty i thought i was actually in cairo and B) closest. this left me with Cafe 28, a "gormet cafe" or some crap that translates to "we are going to charge you seven dollars for a sandwich." But nevertheless, i persevered, and found that a huge cup of soup was only 3.20 after tax. and you know what? when i was done eating that steamin' hot cup of soup, i actually though it was worth 3.20. how many times have you eaten a 7 dollar sandwich and were like, "gee, i'm glad i spent enough money to feed myself 3 weeks worth of spaghetti. that was worth it." never. so clearly, my good lunch fortune was another blessing.
Clearly, with this train of events, it is only a matter of days before i find out my True Purpose in Life.
And the first think i do when i know is make a sacrificial offering of thanks to the gods in the form of a new H&M wardrobe.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
back in the clouds
Hellllo!
Flordia is great! today i went to the pool. i made my mom go with me. We were about to walk outside and she was all "you better get a jacket, it's cold outside" and i was like, "mom, it's 75 degrees" "well, that's chilly!" whatever.
the pool in the middle of the day is representative of the best of saint cloud. nothin' but old people. and only the really nice ones who talk to you, and the ones who are impressive. there's this one guy, i think he's old, it's hard to tell because i don't wear glasses or contacts to the pool, but he's bald, so he must be old, right? well anyway, there's this old guy that just does the most beautiful butterfly up and down the pool...so beautiful...so impressive.
there was a lady there wearing a wetsuit today. in our heated community pool when the weather is in the 70s! i guess everything is relative, and cold has a different meaning if you run with the 65 and over crowd.
the old "good" people (the ones who exercise and want to talk to you and not just yell at you for playin' your rap music) are one of the few things i like about saint cloud. probably because we relate a lot--they hate the cold and they've done a lot of things in their life, and now they are taking a break. and the same is true of me, if we think of "life" as the last three years that i haven't been living in saint cloud.
then again. i know i'm old for my age, but this is kind of ridiculous.
anyway, it will be good to get out of saint cloud soon.
i like the oldies, but they do make you start to think that there is nothing to do that hasn't been done, and you have no obligation to do anything anymore except...well, go swimming and enjoy the warm weather. do activities. you've accomplished things, and now you are done. retired.
but i'm not done yet! i've got lots of stuff to do...and the first thing i have to do is go figure out what that is.
i'm excited about new york for lots of reasons. but one reason is i think that going to new york and living my life there, outside of school and outside of the normal structure i've been under for the last few years, will offer me the chance to "wake up" to a new phase of life.
sorry this is a short update--i've had an awesome break with my family and Melissa, but it's been pretty unremarkable. which, after 16 months straight of school and my life being busy to the max, it's been kind of nice for once to just let my brain melt for 3 weeks.
wish me luck for next week!
Flordia is great! today i went to the pool. i made my mom go with me. We were about to walk outside and she was all "you better get a jacket, it's cold outside" and i was like, "mom, it's 75 degrees" "well, that's chilly!" whatever.
the pool in the middle of the day is representative of the best of saint cloud. nothin' but old people. and only the really nice ones who talk to you, and the ones who are impressive. there's this one guy, i think he's old, it's hard to tell because i don't wear glasses or contacts to the pool, but he's bald, so he must be old, right? well anyway, there's this old guy that just does the most beautiful butterfly up and down the pool...so beautiful...so impressive.
there was a lady there wearing a wetsuit today. in our heated community pool when the weather is in the 70s! i guess everything is relative, and cold has a different meaning if you run with the 65 and over crowd.
the old "good" people (the ones who exercise and want to talk to you and not just yell at you for playin' your rap music) are one of the few things i like about saint cloud. probably because we relate a lot--they hate the cold and they've done a lot of things in their life, and now they are taking a break. and the same is true of me, if we think of "life" as the last three years that i haven't been living in saint cloud.
then again. i know i'm old for my age, but this is kind of ridiculous.
anyway, it will be good to get out of saint cloud soon.
i like the oldies, but they do make you start to think that there is nothing to do that hasn't been done, and you have no obligation to do anything anymore except...well, go swimming and enjoy the warm weather. do activities. you've accomplished things, and now you are done. retired.
but i'm not done yet! i've got lots of stuff to do...and the first thing i have to do is go figure out what that is.
i'm excited about new york for lots of reasons. but one reason is i think that going to new york and living my life there, outside of school and outside of the normal structure i've been under for the last few years, will offer me the chance to "wake up" to a new phase of life.
sorry this is a short update--i've had an awesome break with my family and Melissa, but it's been pretty unremarkable. which, after 16 months straight of school and my life being busy to the max, it's been kind of nice for once to just let my brain melt for 3 weeks.
wish me luck for next week!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
media websites that i love
1) www.antiwar.com
-my one true news love
-sort of like Drudge (except with an anti-war agenda instead of a right-wing agenda); combs and collects tons of different news sites and brings them all together
-heavy libertarian/non-interventionist lean in their political commentary/opinion articles
-really good set up; front page divided into countries and conflict zones, and it includes basically every conflict zone you could think of, plus the ones you don't, which is good, too
-check out the sources page for dozens of other sites
2) www.democracynow.org
-i know, i know. democracynow can have a tendency to be sensationalist and inflammatory, but it's a good model for news produced outside the corporate conglomerates by an outlet with any sort of clout. voices are heard here, man!
-always gets interviews with cool (aka prominent and outside the mainstream) people.
-fight the good fight of the leftist movement!
4) www.electronicintifada.net
-news and commentary about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict
-also, really cool graphics and layout
-also check out electronic iraq and electronic lebanon
5) www.bbc.com
-yay, Brits! when perusing this site, you must read all the news out loud with a british accent, it is 4 times more enjoyable. and sexy.
-thank you bbc for being accessible, and for having a million little sidebar links, so if i want to find out more about the article i am reading and its topics, i can. i love you bbc.
-also photos of the day are awesome.
Those are the only ones i really read regularly. open to suggestions.
-my one true news love
-sort of like Drudge (except with an anti-war agenda instead of a right-wing agenda); combs and collects tons of different news sites and brings them all together
-heavy libertarian/non-interventionist lean in their political commentary/opinion articles
-really good set up; front page divided into countries and conflict zones, and it includes basically every conflict zone you could think of, plus the ones you don't, which is good, too
-check out the sources page for dozens of other sites
2) www.democracynow.org
-i know, i know. democracynow can have a tendency to be sensationalist and inflammatory, but it's a good model for news produced outside the corporate conglomerates by an outlet with any sort of clout. voices are heard here, man!
-always gets interviews with cool (aka prominent and outside the mainstream) people.
-fight the good fight of the leftist movement!
4) www.electronicintifada.net
-news and commentary about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict
-also, really cool graphics and layout
-also check out electronic iraq and electronic lebanon
5) www.bbc.com
-yay, Brits! when perusing this site, you must read all the news out loud with a british accent, it is 4 times more enjoyable. and sexy.
-thank you bbc for being accessible, and for having a million little sidebar links, so if i want to find out more about the article i am reading and its topics, i can. i love you bbc.
-also photos of the day are awesome.
Those are the only ones i really read regularly. open to suggestions.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
metaphysics
this was a letter i wrote to a friend, about the amendment 2 discussion we were having. i've been wanting to blog about this for awhile, and i felt like this was a pretty good representation of how i feel right now. for those of you who don't know, amendment 2 is on the florida ballot this year and it would add an official definition of marriage to the state constitution, defining it as being between a man and a woman.
text of message:
first of all, here's something i need to establish. that i understand that whatever the prophets and GAs say is generally a trump card, and that that is the way it is in Provo and with most LDS people that i am every going to talk to about this issue, and that's okay. i understand that and totally respect that, and i think it's a valid reason to be voting however you are voting.
but for me, it doesn't fly. especially on the issue of gay rights, because i've found that everything that i personally believe in basically goes head to head with official church statements of late.
of late being these last couple of months, because before that with all the literature the church has recently put out (god loves his children, the oak's interview from awhile ago, a couple of ensign articles) it seemed like the church was taking a fairly progressive stance and i liked what they were working with there.
however, i feel like the church's enormous support for prop 8 and anti-lgbt legislation is a step backwards.
i also feel like provo is a sinkhole of anti-gay rhetoric, and i've sort of given up trying to defend my beliefs, which is sad, because the majority is adamantly, fanatically against my beliefs. well, that's probably not true. i feel like when i do bring up issues, people are a lot more caring and loving and understanding than i expect.
but i think this has been hightened by the prop 8 rallies. yes, i know all about the official support, and the special broadcast, and how california members are supposed to be donating all this time and energy to support the effort, and that's all really interesting because they church doesn't often take official positions like this, though it has an amazing amount of manpower and is an extremely effective network for this kind of situation (which makes me feel kind of sad that we utilize this for anti-gay culture war issues but we would never do that for any sort of anti-war movement. but anyway, that's different, i guess.)
so basically, what i'm trying to say is that i feel like there is no room whatsoever for dissent or questioning of any kind in this town concerning prop 8, and i think that's too bad. that's what life is for: to question and dissent from what's "right"and try and find out the truth of all things. that is the plan of salvation. that is what we fought for--to come to earth and be individuals who make mistakes and question things, and sometimes question things and get it right, and sometimes question things and get it wrong, but still have the ability to come to the truth anyway.
this relates to this issue, i swear. because yes, i have a testimony and i'm not an apostate, but i still want to be able to struggle with this issue in the normal realm, and not just be all "well the prophet said so, so i don't want to hear anything against it." i can't do that. i can't live like that, especially not with this issue.
okay.
now, to concretes. because we can deal in ideas and trends all day, but that won't get us anywhere because if there are not concrete examples, then your ideals are no more valid than mine. got that?
here's the thing: same-sex marriage is already illegal in florida. it's in our state laws several different times. we already have a defense of marriage act. so if you are voting for it because you don't want gay people to get married, don't worry. they already can't. this isn't a debate about whether gay marriage has to be recognized or not, or that churches will have to recognize gay marriage or else they will be shut down. that's not what voting this law down would do. if it doesn't pass, nothing changes. the LGBT community doesn't suddenly have the right to get married. that would take a lot lot lot more legislation. the only thing that would happen is that it wouldn't pass.
so what does it mean if it does pass? that's debatable. there are several theories. i think they are all valid and possible, but i encourage you to research them yourself. first, it's to galvanize the religious right and get them out to the polls. if there are more right-wing voters voting in florida, which is traditionally a swing state, then it will go mccain, and that is a lot votes to be throwing at mccain. florida has a ton of electoral votes. so that would make it totally worth it for a lot of the Right to do this amendment just for that.
second of all, there are lots of senior citizens living in florida. a lot of senior citizens do not get married, because they would lose some social security benefits, but they still want to have visiting rights, ect. i don't ethically believe this is right, it's cheating the system and while the system sucks and deserves to be cheated, it still is dishonest. anyway, it would definitely be within the corporate government's interest to somehow get these senior citizens to stop having their cake and eating it too, and this law could very well do that.
now, the pro-amendment people will tell you that this isn't true, that's stretching the wording of the admendment and that's not what will happen. here's the wording of the amendment:
Inasmuch as a marriage is the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized.
i think it could definitely go that way. supporters of the amendment argue that by not having this law in florida or in california, you are somehow endangering freedom of religion. that because a law like this is passed, churches or schools or other institutions that do not allow gay marriage could be shut down. i think this is also stretching it--if it's possible for that to happen if the law doesn't pass, it's possible for senior citizens and other unmarried couples, those that are in a legal union but not husband and wife, to also not be recognized as having the same rights as other married couples.
however, i don't think that will happen. if it passes, the courts won't let it outlaw partnership laws for senior citizens. i also don't think the courts would shut down churches because of their beliefs. i would hope that wise justices would recognize that this is a country where people are able to believe how they choose, and if that means that we don't allow gay students to attend byu, then that is what we chose. i agreed to that when i came here. (ps---this line of thought does need more development. but really, i see the argument that the defeat of these amendments as an attack on our freedom of belief as completely absurd. do you actually think that would happen? maybe. but only because of fanaticism, which these kind of laws don't solve, they only inflame.)
all that said, you are right. if the prophet is inspired to tell us something about how we should vote, well, God does know all things and He loves all his children way more than i ever could, and i have to have faith in that. but he didn't say that for florida. there's a proposition in arizona like this one, too, and they haven't said anything about that. he was inspired and directed to issue this fatwa for california, but not for the other places. if the prophet doesn't say, it means vote on your own judgement. and this is my judgement.
and freedom, and specifically, the freedom to believe however we choose
and see fit, is the most important freedom we have. but i think that in this day in age, it's also really important to make sure religion and belief and whatever that means to you is still examined. and that's what i'm trying to do. and also, it is most important that belief doesn't become fanatical. i've spent way too much time in southern baptist flordia and in the middle east to ever ever try and impose my beliefs on other people in anyway, and i think that needs to be kept in mind whenever our beliefs clash with other peoples in a public forum like politics and voting. bigotry and thinking we have a divine mandate to scourge society of all that we see as unfit never works out well. in the book of mormon, it was the self-righteous as well as the un-religious that caused the destruction of society.
so, don't take my word for anything more than what it is, my opinion. think about it yourself. pray about it. whatever you do to make a decision. one thing i suggest, don't think all in ideals. don't think all in trends. i'm a mystic, sure, i love ideas and living in a metaphysical world, but i want to live in the real one, too. you can do both. have a dual nature. i think we're old enough to start taking some of the responsibility of bringing ideas into the real world. and one of those ideas that we should bring into the real world is that we can all of God's children can live together in harmony, and be able to use their agency, whether that means believing that homosexuality is wrong or believing that people should be able to love each other however they choose.
so there you have it. i don't support the amendment. i'm not voting for it. first of all, i think it's stupid and second of all i support equal rights. but i also consider myself to be religious. and those two things seem to not mesh right away. but they will. i am refining my opinions all the time. i do not come to conclusions quickly. but i come to them, and hopefully when i do, they are the right ones.
**end message.
i hope i don't sound like an arrogant prick here. i think maybe i do: i am so smart and i think about things and no one else does! that's not how i mean to sound. it's probably what i think in my subconscious, but i would never let everyone else know like this :).
text of message:
first of all, here's something i need to establish. that i understand that whatever the prophets and GAs say is generally a trump card, and that that is the way it is in Provo and with most LDS people that i am every going to talk to about this issue, and that's okay. i understand that and totally respect that, and i think it's a valid reason to be voting however you are voting.
but for me, it doesn't fly. especially on the issue of gay rights, because i've found that everything that i personally believe in basically goes head to head with official church statements of late.
of late being these last couple of months, because before that with all the literature the church has recently put out (god loves his children, the oak's interview from awhile ago, a couple of ensign articles) it seemed like the church was taking a fairly progressive stance and i liked what they were working with there.
however, i feel like the church's enormous support for prop 8 and anti-lgbt legislation is a step backwards.
i also feel like provo is a sinkhole of anti-gay rhetoric, and i've sort of given up trying to defend my beliefs, which is sad, because the majority is adamantly, fanatically against my beliefs. well, that's probably not true. i feel like when i do bring up issues, people are a lot more caring and loving and understanding than i expect.
but i think this has been hightened by the prop 8 rallies. yes, i know all about the official support, and the special broadcast, and how california members are supposed to be donating all this time and energy to support the effort, and that's all really interesting because they church doesn't often take official positions like this, though it has an amazing amount of manpower and is an extremely effective network for this kind of situation (which makes me feel kind of sad that we utilize this for anti-gay culture war issues but we would never do that for any sort of anti-war movement. but anyway, that's different, i guess.)
so basically, what i'm trying to say is that i feel like there is no room whatsoever for dissent or questioning of any kind in this town concerning prop 8, and i think that's too bad. that's what life is for: to question and dissent from what's "right"and try and find out the truth of all things. that is the plan of salvation. that is what we fought for--to come to earth and be individuals who make mistakes and question things, and sometimes question things and get it right, and sometimes question things and get it wrong, but still have the ability to come to the truth anyway.
this relates to this issue, i swear. because yes, i have a testimony and i'm not an apostate, but i still want to be able to struggle with this issue in the normal realm, and not just be all "well the prophet said so, so i don't want to hear anything against it." i can't do that. i can't live like that, especially not with this issue.
okay.
now, to concretes. because we can deal in ideas and trends all day, but that won't get us anywhere because if there are not concrete examples, then your ideals are no more valid than mine. got that?
here's the thing: same-sex marriage is already illegal in florida. it's in our state laws several different times. we already have a defense of marriage act. so if you are voting for it because you don't want gay people to get married, don't worry. they already can't. this isn't a debate about whether gay marriage has to be recognized or not, or that churches will have to recognize gay marriage or else they will be shut down. that's not what voting this law down would do. if it doesn't pass, nothing changes. the LGBT community doesn't suddenly have the right to get married. that would take a lot lot lot more legislation. the only thing that would happen is that it wouldn't pass.
so what does it mean if it does pass? that's debatable. there are several theories. i think they are all valid and possible, but i encourage you to research them yourself. first, it's to galvanize the religious right and get them out to the polls. if there are more right-wing voters voting in florida, which is traditionally a swing state, then it will go mccain, and that is a lot votes to be throwing at mccain. florida has a ton of electoral votes. so that would make it totally worth it for a lot of the Right to do this amendment just for that.
second of all, there are lots of senior citizens living in florida. a lot of senior citizens do not get married, because they would lose some social security benefits, but they still want to have visiting rights, ect. i don't ethically believe this is right, it's cheating the system and while the system sucks and deserves to be cheated, it still is dishonest. anyway, it would definitely be within the corporate government's interest to somehow get these senior citizens to stop having their cake and eating it too, and this law could very well do that.
now, the pro-amendment people will tell you that this isn't true, that's stretching the wording of the admendment and that's not what will happen. here's the wording of the amendment:
Inasmuch as a marriage is the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized.
i think it could definitely go that way. supporters of the amendment argue that by not having this law in florida or in california, you are somehow endangering freedom of religion. that because a law like this is passed, churches or schools or other institutions that do not allow gay marriage could be shut down. i think this is also stretching it--if it's possible for that to happen if the law doesn't pass, it's possible for senior citizens and other unmarried couples, those that are in a legal union but not husband and wife, to also not be recognized as having the same rights as other married couples.
however, i don't think that will happen. if it passes, the courts won't let it outlaw partnership laws for senior citizens. i also don't think the courts would shut down churches because of their beliefs. i would hope that wise justices would recognize that this is a country where people are able to believe how they choose, and if that means that we don't allow gay students to attend byu, then that is what we chose. i agreed to that when i came here. (ps---this line of thought does need more development. but really, i see the argument that the defeat of these amendments as an attack on our freedom of belief as completely absurd. do you actually think that would happen? maybe. but only because of fanaticism, which these kind of laws don't solve, they only inflame.)
all that said, you are right. if the prophet is inspired to tell us something about how we should vote, well, God does know all things and He loves all his children way more than i ever could, and i have to have faith in that. but he didn't say that for florida. there's a proposition in arizona like this one, too, and they haven't said anything about that. he was inspired and directed to issue this fatwa for california, but not for the other places. if the prophet doesn't say, it means vote on your own judgement. and this is my judgement.
and freedom, and specifically, the freedom to believe however we choose
and see fit, is the most important freedom we have. but i think that in this day in age, it's also really important to make sure religion and belief and whatever that means to you is still examined. and that's what i'm trying to do. and also, it is most important that belief doesn't become fanatical. i've spent way too much time in southern baptist flordia and in the middle east to ever ever try and impose my beliefs on other people in anyway, and i think that needs to be kept in mind whenever our beliefs clash with other peoples in a public forum like politics and voting. bigotry and thinking we have a divine mandate to scourge society of all that we see as unfit never works out well. in the book of mormon, it was the self-righteous as well as the un-religious that caused the destruction of society.
so, don't take my word for anything more than what it is, my opinion. think about it yourself. pray about it. whatever you do to make a decision. one thing i suggest, don't think all in ideals. don't think all in trends. i'm a mystic, sure, i love ideas and living in a metaphysical world, but i want to live in the real one, too. you can do both. have a dual nature. i think we're old enough to start taking some of the responsibility of bringing ideas into the real world. and one of those ideas that we should bring into the real world is that we can all of God's children can live together in harmony, and be able to use their agency, whether that means believing that homosexuality is wrong or believing that people should be able to love each other however they choose.
so there you have it. i don't support the amendment. i'm not voting for it. first of all, i think it's stupid and second of all i support equal rights. but i also consider myself to be religious. and those two things seem to not mesh right away. but they will. i am refining my opinions all the time. i do not come to conclusions quickly. but i come to them, and hopefully when i do, they are the right ones.
**end message.
i hope i don't sound like an arrogant prick here. i think maybe i do: i am so smart and i think about things and no one else does! that's not how i mean to sound. it's probably what i think in my subconscious, but i would never let everyone else know like this :).
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